.Wednesday, July 8, 2009 ' 9:23 AM Y
blogged
okays.
clever me thought that i was strong enough to take this.
the over-confident me,
went to a fren's fb page,
who is also a fren of ken's,
and happily looked thru their photos.
pic 1: oh, glad to know tt he's doing fine.
pic 2: he changed his hairstyle?
pic 3: has he thrown away all the shirts i gave him?
and den..
questions upon questions upon questions.
still with his gf?
y can't i add him on fb still?
have i reali gotten over him?
etc, etc, etc...
uh-oh.
this is crap all over again.
.Tuesday, July 7, 2009 ' 7:45 AM Y
blogged
at times.. i feel estranged.
like i'm fighting a war,
all by myself.
thing is,
i dun know if i'm fighting on the right side or not.
and for once, this post has nth to do with him.
hahaha.
u know,
i always feel tt the ppl whom i want to show me tt they love me,
don't do it.
but those tt i dun need them to show tt they love me,
do.
well, i guess the affirmation's gd,
but the vice versa is not so gd.
man. ultimately,
am i insecure?
i always thought not.
or perhaps i just am complicated,
or maybe i was just plain wrong.
at times, i think tt ken was reali great to have put up with me
for the longest time.
reali.
and my frens,
those reali close ones.
even i would give up on myself,
i dun understand why u guys don't.
man.
it's been awhile since i thought about things so seriously
until i get a headache.
ok, maybe the best word is not seriously,
it should be loooong.
alot of times,
i choose to escape,
run away,
tune out,
brush off,
everything but...
think.
aiya.
CSI MIAMI.
.Tuesday, May 19, 2009 ' 11:41 PM Y
blogged
happy 21st.
well wishes.
5 hours of work
sealed with a kiss
______
keep busy.
that's what i did.
woke up at 10, went to get ingredients, baked an incrediby hard to do cheesecake for PJ. didn't feel like doing at all since there were already alot of blisters on my fingers thanks to my eczyma but i had to do something. i wasn't concentrating at all.
things that went wrong:
i lifted the mixer up too early and cream cheese flew all over the place.
stained my mum's blue bowl pink because i was doing the jelly.
unable to dissolve the bloody gelatine.
carelessly picked up the pyrex dish and ended up having pink jelly liquid all over the floor.
stained my dad's white hard rock shirt pink in the process.
unable to get the sticky-ness from the jelly off the floor. (after mopping 3 times)
unable to get the sticky-ness of the bowls that i used to mix the raspberry jelly.
left my soup too long in the microwave and it splattered inside, all over the microwave.
burnt my Don's pie to a bitter black crust.
dropped my fork in my mum's room whilst eating.
fingers start to get worse due to the tons of detergent and soap that i used
i keep thinking, it can't get any worse already... , right? sigh. it never rains, but it pours. going on to dissect sam chapt 3 now. oh God, give me strength to get through this. it's only 3 in the afternoon, but it feels like eternity.
.Saturday, May 16, 2009 ' 9:48 AM Y
blogged
can you stay strong?
can you go on?
ho ken are you doing okay?
____
i saw this coming the whole time,
and i dreaded it.
it's your birthday this wednesday.
i remembered that last year i intended
to throw a surprise party for you,
i even got the contacts of ur good army frens already.
but it's ok,
we're over.
guess this week's gonna be tough again.
but i'm gonna make it through,
i know that. (:
i know i'm stronger with every lapse i feel,
and this time,
i feel better already,
after crying.
my mum asked me why i was so quiet,
wen asked me why was i so emo,
i'm glad that ppl close to me notice and care,
but i couldn't answer them.
i just smiled and kept quiet...
yang's advice came back to me,
keep busy.
i will.
things to do:
1) plan lesson for samuel chapt 3
2) meeting with sze min
3) recee-ing for LCC games
4) work on thurs
5) learn parking frm dad on tues
6) plan PJ outing for angels and demons
and then, one week would have flown past again,
very soon.
and this nightmare will be over,
soon.
one step at a time.___
don't waste your whole life trying
to get back what was taken away.
.Tuesday, April 28, 2009 ' 9:06 AM Y
blogged
如果海会说话
如果风爱上砂
如果有些想念
遗忘在漫长的长假
我会聆听浪花让风吹过头发
任记忆里的爱情在时间潮汐里喧哗
非得等春天远了
夏天才近了
我是在回首时终于懂得
当阳光再次回到那飘着雨的国境之南
我会试着把那一年的故事
再接下去说完
当阳光再次离开那太晴朗的国境之南
你会不会把你曾带走的爱在告别前用微笑全归还
海很蓝
星光灿烂
我仍空着我的臂弯
天很宽在我独自唱歌的夜晚
请原谅我的爱
诉说的太缓慢
当阳光再次回到那飘着雨的国境之南
我会试着把
那一年的故事再接下去说完
当阳光再次离开那太晴朗的国境之南
你会不会把你曾带走的爱
在告别前用微笑全归还...
___
would you?
.Tuesday, April 14, 2009 ' 11:23 PM Y
blogged
i'm not missing you.
oh come on', who am i kidding?
here we go again.
let's just hope this cycle ends pronto.
if not, i've got my exams to tackle,
and i've reali "got life to do".
its over already.
when am i actually going to face facts huh?
ppl can try to help me,
talk to me,
counsel me,
but in the end?
its still my call,
if i dun help myself,
no one can.
in yang's words,
"that's where you've to learn by yourself.
cos no one can teach you that.."
i reali think i'm too whiny for my own good.
will (once again) make an effort to look on the
brighter side of life.
who am i kidding?
bah, humbug.
okok. burry myself in books,
burry myself in books,
burry, burrying,burried..
its always like tt huh,
the more u like at smth closely,
the more the word looks wrong.
look at the word "burry" for instance,
the more i type it,
the more it looks wrong.
conclusion?
in a relationship,
don't look at the fine print too much in future,
you'll be making ur own life miserable if u do.
.Sunday, April 12, 2009 ' 10:38 AM Y
blogged
i finally accepted him on facebook.
it took quite awhile,
coz',
it hurts to know that he still exists.
i duno to be glad or not tt he remembers me,
or whether to...
its hard. damn hard.
whatever it is,
the hurt is still there.
damage is still done.
but what do u want me to do?
super mixed feelings.
i still hope against hope.
"Jesus take the wheel,
Take it from my hands,
cause i can't do this on my own.
i'm letting go,
so give me one more chance,
and save me from this road i'm on.."
happy easter.
thank you for dying on the cross,
my beautiful saviour.
happy 21st.