i guess i tried to tell myself thousands of times that its over, but it never seems to be the case. i dunno if i'm delusional by thinking things will get better, or am i just insane. my sanity is more or less gone already. i was thinking quite a while back, would i rather have no pain, and no gain, or have gain, but pain is inevitable as well. i'm reali tired. this constant ding-dongs going in my head. gonna start reading the bible again and give God a chance at taking the reins of my life. tired of trying to take control of it alrady. since i can't do a good job of running my life, what harm can there be done if God takes over? i guess i've no been letting go of alot of things, and hence, even when God wants to help me, he can't.

i gotta let go, and surrender, everything. i'm tired of looking at things from my perspective and having to bear the burden of bearing he consequences. might as well let God decide, then the consequence also he bear. there's nothing much i can do anyway.

still, the ones who are there for me are forever there. you guys know who you are, and i'm way too tired to name them, but really, thank God for all of you angels in my life. life is more bear-able with you all. (:

that's a plus. shall upload pics of the cable car dinner that we had. just to show how nice it was.

but, i'm still very, very bitter towards him.