.Friday, August 8, 2008 ' 9:27 AM Y
blogged
sigh. beginning of a new sem...
friends somehow make life in campus easier, but i can't help missing him. trying very hard to forget him, but to no avail. i have to try to
fight back tears every time i'm in a public area. sometimes, i try to think that i'm better off without a guy like him, but why doesn't my heart allow me to think so?
it's so dreadful living life not knowing where you're headed, and i know i should quit whinning and take my own advice about you're better off without relationships when that person hurts you too much..
i still cry to sleep, occasionally. you know, sometimes i'm scared to be too happy, for fear that something bad would happen. even thinking of the times we had together is counted as a bad thing, for now at least. sigh. the feelings that i have within me is beyond what words can say.
sometimes i think i'm moving on, just to realise that i'm not, and i'm just going about in circles. at times, when i read some materials regarding God, i feel at ease for awhile, but then, it just vanishes after that. i guess i can't become too reliant on God to save me from all this crap..
what to do? i'm trying very hard to continue living life as though nothing major happened, but its damn hard.
damn damn hard. i literally reali have to
grit my teeth and take a deep breath everyday and try to think that its a new day. i keep telling myself that i'll be fine, that i can take it in my stride, but can i?
there's a thin line between being delusional and staying positive.i realise that after a bad breakup right, nearly everyone that i know come out of it not stronger, but rather.. more.. jaded, cynical, hopeless. love, it can either make you or break you.
i guess we all try to learn, try to stay positive, but in the end.... i'm burying myself in endless tasks, readings, friends. but to no avail..
got to stay positive.
got to, must. there's so much i gotta live for.. right? *shakes head* who am i kdding man? who?
_____
i miss jerome and peter and the whole of the honey bee class so much... i reali do. they give me the motivation to live, at least for now. how they always welcome me with open arms into their class, how they never forget me, though they're barely 4? they're always vying for my attention.. and the way that they find everything fascinating. i learn so much from them than they can ever learn from me.
jerome and gang.. now that all of you are constantly in my thoughts. even if i can't see you that often now.
i miss u guys very very much.
