.Friday, September 26, 2008 ' 3:48 AM Y
blogged
i read finished jeanette winterson's,
written on the body.every page reminded me of you,
of us,
of what's happening.
see?
i can never reali escape from you.
wonder what the heck's wrong with the both of us.
couldn't be my fault only.
it was 2 of us,
2 lives,
one relationship.
since when did it become 1 person,
2 lives.
ours with each other,
and seperately with the world.
i'm sick to the core everytime i think of you.
a stigma i guess.
i feel dizzy,
my stomach feels queasy,
and i'll get a terrible stomachache.
on top of that,
i'll just get very affected,
and very very very irritated.
no one's to blame.
reali.
all i've been trying to do
is to find out why we parted.
just a closure.
or a semi one.
it's been a month or 2 already..
so why the heck can't i get over you?
i want to bang my head against the all and just
attempt to be rid of everything.
stupid stupid girl.
do u even feel half the way i do?
or are you already up and going,
attempting to conquer another world,
another person,
another life...
the disillusionment of love just suck.
there are so many times
i just wanna pick up the phone and call u,
or text you.
but then,
what would i say?
hurl insults at u?
tell u how much i still want u back in my life?
keep quiet?
what what what????
it's not as easy as it looks,
it's not as easy as u think it is.
every bloody page was about you.
i was literally ploughing through
the whole book.
the whole damn book.
was i reali wrong?
i want to just walk away,
but is that possible anymore?
is that?
-"is happiness always a compromise?"
-"contentment is a feeling u say?
are u sure it's not an absence of feeling?"
-" when i say "i will be true to you"
i must mean it in spite of the formalities,
instead of the formalities. "
do u know what i'm trying to say?
do u understand what i'm trying to get thru to u?
do u,
do u,
do i?
i'm so caught in anguish & turmoil tt i can die.
