.Monday, October 27, 2008 ' 8:30 AM Y
blogged
i'm left speechless once again.
take one step forward, 5 steps back. that's what's happening to me. i didn't want to hear the details.. but i had to. i need to learn to be detached. it's hopeless. evrything is.
i've had it with crying. i reali have. every tear is hopeless. hopeless!!! its not ur doing, its mine. it will never be yr fault. how can i ever bear to blame you? walk away, like u always do, and just escape everything. i want to also. but my conscience won't let me. it won't. even if i'm not the one at fault, i can't just go ahead and pretend nothing's happened.
i can onli put on a facade to the ppl ard me. i got a french ppt tt is due tmrw, but how can i continue? who will sympathise? no one. life still goes on. crap. i still need to get things done. sp be it. i will. dying in the process but i still WILL get things done.
isn't it easier to end life like that now? he's not worth it i know. but try telling my heart tt. tell my mind tt. how else to get rid of this pain? how? i can't live everyday like i'm walking on broken glass. with every decision i make, every step i take, every part of my body is hurting.
u'r with another girl.
my heart broke again.
how much more of this can i take?
it's inevitable i know.
but i was just hoping,
against all hopes, i know.
but still, is it wrong
to hope?
no it isn't.
but thing is, u can't reali blame anyone
when your heart is shattered.
i made a wrong call,
but tell me,
who hasn't?
so i hope no one blames me.
i'm tired.
tired of this blame game.
tired of everything.
i'm working on overdrive.
my batt level is critically low.
u always say u'r tired
but still, u move on.
when it was me,
u said u were tired and
didn't wanna try anymore
with her?
its the same.
lovely.
i reali reali hope u can find a girl
who loves u half as much as i do
and i hope i'll find a man
who loves me more than i love myself
(which isn't very hard)
i always give 101%.
when the other is onli willing to give 40..
how dumb can i get?
reali..
ever heard of the idiom
once bitten, twice shy?
apparently not.
its ok.
thinking of u doing things
that u did with me
with another girl,
kills me.
but den again,
i'm already 3/4 dead.
onli thing tt isn't dead?
is my physical body.
let's see how long tt
can be kept.
the show must go on..
i can give you freedom,
but do i want to compromise my beliefs?
do i want to lose myself further?
i love u enough to do tt,
question is,
do u love me enough to
stop me from doing it?
or to even attempt to bridge this huge gulf?
"is it so hard to love me?
am i that unlovable?"
those 2 lines from julia
comes directly from my own life.
directly.
can't u attempt to come back into my life?
walk a day in my shoes,
and u'll realise,
how much u mean to me.
________
Baby won't you tell me why
there is sadness in your eyes
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion
I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head
You're the one who set it up
now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
but there is something left in my head
Chorus:
I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling's so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know
You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
Now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head
Chorus:
I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling's so strong...
Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There ain't so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore
Chorus
I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling's so strong...
