.Tuesday, November 18, 2008 ' 10:05 AM Y
blogged
i still miss you. i've tried to stop. but it doesn't mean when i dun pen down what i think, you are erased. it doesn't.
it's now 2:06am.
i've got a paper in a few hours' time.
but i still can't sleep.
why?
i'm still crying myself to sleep.
how long is this torment going to last?
this is too high a price to pay,
to love someone.
everyone talks about the goodness of love,
my lit texts all glorify it,
but whoever talks about the disasters?
the aftermath?
the consequences?
i want so much to go away.
i'm looking forward to the hols.
where i can escape
to bali,
to penang..
i wanna get out of this place.
it holds too many memories.
but who am i kidding?
in every part of the world,
no matter however far i am from you,
i'd still miss you.
my dad says, dun think about it,
it'll eventually pass.
mind over matter.
daddy,
i'm trying.
for so long..
for so long.
the torrent of emotions.
who can help me?
i dun reali care what other people say about me writing in this blog.
i don't think its wrong to feel what i'm feeling now.
it's bad enough as it is,
without having to answer for it.
how can one answer for their sadness?
is this too heavy a respnsibility for a leader to shoulder?
that they must be strong at all times?
u used to be there.
a very very long time ago.
but i guess..
u'r there for another now.
i've been trying to hold back tears for so long.
it's a record this week.
one week.
but how else am i going to do this?
am i still walking around in circles?
am i still taking 2 steps forward, 5 steps back?
how?
i still love you.
i still miss you.
at first, i tried telling myself that it was that
i was in love with the feeling of being in love
but it's not
i cannot bear to think of being with abother other than you
am i going to live the rest of my life like that?
how?
i don't want to.
i swear.
who would want to live in torment the rest of their lives?
i'm not psycho.
i still love life.
i wanna enjoy it.
i want to go thru everyday happily
not lapse into this.
i'm still afraid to be happy.
who to blame?
no one but me.
"For love is yet the most stormy life,
in its own self, that ever was begun.
Ever some mistrust or foolish strife
is there in love, some cloud is over the sun,
so that we wretched women get nothing done
when we are woeful, but weep and sit and think:
our misfortune is that we our own woes drink."-Geoffery Chaucer (Troilus and Criseyde)
